Sexiest Bread Man Alive
by Glimmer Green Eyes
Summary: Katniss thinks Peeta is bread and is trying to eat him... She is now fatniss not katniss...only for humor enjoy xD beware of fatniss! She is kind of retarded...Also peeta's journey in becoming the Peeta-Phile o.O Haymitch wants to kill Germans now...
1. SEXIEST BREAD MAN ALIVE: I AM NOT FOOD

Hunger Games Parody

I hope you enjoy, it's really disturbing but hilarious! xD DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T GET THE HUNGER GAMES.

"Prim, you're my sister, you won't get picked" said Fatniss.

"Of course sister" said her little sister Prim.

Suddenly a giant fat lady in pink that looked like a horse jumped onto the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," she fell and started having a seizure on the ground. Foam started coming out of her mouth like a baby drooling. "The," she slurred while shaking more violently. "74th Hunger Games" said the lady now being rushed into the hospital. "Maybe no one will be picked now." said the retarded older sister Fatniss. "Whatever you think Fatniss." said Prim disgusted by her sister. Slowly a 80 year-old man named Haymitch walked up to the stage and started singing 'I'm bringing sexy back' while doing the dougie. "Okay, I know you all love me, very much, but it's time to announce the lady of the games." said Haymitch. He reached his hand in a small box and read 'Primrose Everdeen.' Fatniss started to shake her hands and wack people in the head while trying to shimmy to the stage. "Me, me, I'm Primrose." Said Fatniss. "No, this is sweet heart." Said Haymitch pointing to Prim. "Oh, I volunteer." Said Fatniss smiling with snot coming out of her nose. "Sister, thank you. Your, going to die anyways." Said Prim, nodding. Fatniss stood up and shouted 'I volunteered' waving her hand everywhere and slapping people across the face. "Later sis, I'm going to tell mom your going to die, she'll be so proud of me! Then I'm going to sleep with Gale's brother Rory." said Prim, smiling. "Okay, Prim." Said Fatniss. Then Haymitch announced the second tribute, Peeta Mellark, The hottest boy in the district. Then Fatniss had a flashback when Fatniss tried attacking Peeta.

Flashback:

She lunged toward him grabbing his ankle's he screamed like a girl. She bit his hand and he wacked her with his left over bread. Fatniss was left lying alone in the mud with a piece of bread the boy dropped defending himself against her.

End of Flashback:

"Peeta bread, I know him!" said Fatniss pointing. "Help me! You can't leave me alone with that thing!" Shouted Peeta over the crowd. Some kid pushed Peeta onto the stage and Fatniss ran to him and picked him up. "Oh Peeta, thank you for the bread, I never had a chance to say thank you." Said Fatniss biting him. "Hey! I'm not actually bread!" Said Peeta as he ran off the stage with Fatniss chasing behind him.


	2. SEXIEST BREAD MAN ALIVE: SORRY I ATE YOU

CHAPTER 2: STILL DISTURBING

Question of the chapter: Is it okay to own a giant paper mache chicken?

DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE HUNGER GAMES BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL BE WONDERING WHY A GIRL NAMED FATNISS WAS TRYING TO EAT A GUY BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS BREAD. So yea…. Beware…

"Okay, lets get your costume ready." Said Cinna.

"Oh, you mean you put your clothes on me?" Said Fatniss turning her head and licking Cinna's arm.

"No, and take your tongue off my arm." Said Cinna.

"Okay." Said Fatniss laughing while tilting her head.

Then, Fatniss took her tonque and licked Cinna's head.

"Oh my god, call the Hot-Thorne to come on and deal with this stupid thing." Said Cinna making his lips into a pucker and opening his eyes wide. Suddenly, a smexy guy named Hot-Thorne opened the door and said,"Yo." "Hah, Hah." Said Fatniss throwing her head back making her neck look like she had triple rolls.

"Oh my god it's the thing." Said Gale choking on his own spit.

Flashback:

I was running from the horrible creature, the "it." I was cornered, then it came into the light. I think it was part Elmo, then it started gurgling and grabbed onto my knee's and started biting my feet like a rabid dog. It looked part mutant also. Then it made a "Hah, Hah." I was being squeezed into it's mouth and then it spit me out and licked me. Then it bit my finger off so I bitch slapped it across the face and said, "Oh you did not just bite my finger off." I got up and ran as fast as my legs could go. I never saw it again.

End Flashback:

"What are you talking about?" asked Cinna.

"It will kill me if I tell." Said Gale with crazy eyes and laughing like a physco. He ran out of the room and banged into a new wall every time he turned a corner.

"I wonder what he was talking about." Said Fatniss smirking.

"I don't care, you idiot, just sit down while I groom you." Said Cinna.

Sooner or later Fatniss thought Cinna was Peeta and tried eating him too.

HOPE YOU LIKED CHAPTER 2! CHAPTER 3 WILL BE SOOO MUCH BETTER IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ;) LOL HOPE YOU ENJOYED :)


	3. SEXIEST BREAD MAN ALIVE: PEETAPHILE

**Hey People! I finally UPDATED! :) I hope you ENJOY THIS CHAPTER! I was just really busy and yea...so review! :)******CONTINUE?********

"Darling, I cannot wait any longer, we must get you into your, dress." Said Cinna with a disgusted look on his face.

"Well, don't just stand there get your butt over here." Said Cinna with a pained expression on his face.

"Okay." Said Fatniss shimmying towards Cinna and shaking her hands above her head like she was worshiping him.

"You disgusting creature, stand still." Said Cinna with his eye twitching furiously just from contact with her.

"Hah, hah." Said Fatniss showing off her triple neck rolls once again.

"Be quiet, or I'll have to call on the Hot-Thorne again." Said Cinna raising his golden-penciled eyebrow. Fatniss was not doing well, she needed to eat or lick someone. That someone would be Peeta.

"Never mind, the Hot-Thorne quit, dammit." Cinna muttered to himself.

"Now, we shall present you to those up-tight, dirty, ugly-faced, cocky, dimwitted, outrageous, drunk, bastards who-," said Cinna but stopped himself as Haymitch walked in. How awkward is that, describing the man himself as he walks in.

"Why hello my fellow comrade, we shall go into war together, lets go kill them Germans!" shouted Haymitch as he began pretending to hold a gun and blow air kisses while doing Michael Jackson moves.

"Oh God! You're hurting my eyes!" screamed Cinna as he rushed out of the room. Fatniss just turned to Haymitch and licked his feet.

Haymitch Flashback:

Everyone had been talking about the "it." It seemed to be stalking its prey and then licking it to death, then devour it. I, Haymitch Abernathy, was going to capture it. I must be prepared for death, just in case. I brought the following items: A Chew toy, Finnick Odair, Cookies, Underpants, my lucky penny, and my beloved Alcohol. I could survive hours with these items with me. I would bring pride to my district by caging the beast. That was exactly what I would do.

End Flashback:

"Put on your dress, then go meet Peeta." Said Haymitch drinking another round of shots. Fatniss nodded her head and then shuffled to a red piece of fabric that looked like a speedo.

"No, No, that is Peeta's, this is yours." Said Haymitch pointing to a dress that was on a doll. Fatniss's eyes rolled to the back of her head and then back to normal. Which, in her case, wasn't even normal. She put on the doll's dress, but it was torn across her whole backside.

"Pita bread!" shouted Fatniss as she waved to the boy-in-the-speedo once she saw him strutting down the hallway flipping his hair around and around like a maniac. (Get it? Instead of Boy-with-the-bread xP) Peeta had a very thin, tight, red, see-through fabric wrapped around his waste. Once Peeta saw her he started backing away but Fatniss jumped on top of him and pinned him down.

"I'm sorry, I just don't love you! I'm-I'm in love with bread!" yelled Peeta, Fatniss backed away in horror.

"You're a Peeta-Phile!" screamed Fatniss. Which caused all the mentors and capitol citizens to stare at them.

"What the hell?" asked Haymitch. He sadly was also wearing the same outfit as Peeta for some odd reason.

"He loves bread more than me!" screamed Fatniss then she started rolling on the ground, circling Peeta.

"Fatniss, shut up!" shouted Peeta. He didn't think that she would take what he said seriously, he was just trying to get her away from him.

"He's a Peeta-Phile, a Peeta-Phile!" screamed Fatniss once again. Everyone in the whole country of Panem heard, because it was on live TV. Fatniss began crying, sobbing, then she started getting violent. She ran around the whole stadium and tried biting everyone who got in the way of her Peeta. Sooner or later, Fatniss was shot, with an animal dart. By none other than her mentor Haymitch.

"I killed a Nazi!" shouted Haymitch too drunk to realize that he shot his tribute.

**LOL Boy-in-the-speedo Idk how I came up with that! xP Oh well, plz Review! **

*******Continue? YES or NO?*******


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